I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
