Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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