Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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