My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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