i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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