those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
