i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
