Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
