That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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