Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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