Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
