if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
