everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
