Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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