too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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