my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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