don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
