i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize