So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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