I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
