He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
