she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
