My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
worst night to have a conscience
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
