He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
