once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
