at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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