This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
