I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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