I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
