We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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