My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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