so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
