He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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