last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
