He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
