He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
