I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
