My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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