DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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