Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
