I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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