I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
