i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
