good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
