The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
