it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
