its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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