dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
