Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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