Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
