Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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