This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
