i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
