I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
