No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
why is half of my head shaved?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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