i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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