yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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