how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
