Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
