More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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