This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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