my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
