actually, I'm a sock model
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
