I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
