5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
