if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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