BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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