I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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