please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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