4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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