Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Everclear isn't food dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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