I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
