im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
two words: eviction party
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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