is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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