I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
