so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
