plz talk dirty to me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize