This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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