No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
