Ambien. No doubt about it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
